


you were my first... wanna be my last?

by markhyuckstea



Series: 24 days of christmas 2k18 [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Confessions, Crushes, Doubt, First Crush, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Love Confessions, M/M, Oblivious Huang Ren Jun, Panic Attacks, Serious, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 18:26:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16816039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markhyuckstea/pseuds/markhyuckstea
Summary: renjun had been donghyuck's first everything. it was just a matter of time until he would become his first crush, wasn't it?





	you were my first... wanna be my last?

renjun had been donghyuck's first. his first everything. his first friend. his first best friend. his first deskmate. his first party. his first drink. his first bad decision. and year by year they kept the tradition going.

and after time donghyuck realized that renjun was another one of his firsts. his first _crush_. and the boy didn't know how to deal with it. he had never experienced such feelings for another boy, for another person in general.

he didn't really know if it was right - all the media portrayal of men and women being together and adults saying how guys don't belong together as something else than friends. so it took donghyuck quite a long time to figure it out.

yet he did.

and he was scared. so that way, renjun became donghyuck's first panic attack. and his second. and his third. every time the boy thought of confessing, making his _first_ confession, donghyuck chickened out and had to cry about it later.

they had promised when they were little that they would never keep secrets from each other. renjun was donghyuck's first promise break.

donghyuck was just confused and it wasn't a confusion that he could make go away by reading something or asking someone about how to deal with things, it was something that he had to figure out himself and that was the hardest thing he'd ever have to do. and donghyuck's wasn't equipped with the skills of coping healthily, therefore, the next logical thing that he would have to do was to suffer. which he knew how to do very well.

donghyuck had decided that once and for all, he would come out to renjun today. it had been months since he realized and he felt wrong keeping it from his friend. especially if that friend was also his crush. though donghyuck was sure he wouldn't confess just yet. there needed to be a better time for it. it had to be special.

renjun was supposed to meet donghyuck in a café in two minutes. the younger had downed three espressos in five minutes and almost ordered another one when renjun came in. and suddenly a sense if weird calmness bestilled upon him. even though donghyuck had consumed way too much caffeine and was a bit jittery from it, he felt weirdly calm this time. maybe it was the older's smile that made the boy so peaceful. it was beautiful.

"hey, hyuck," renjun said and sat down in front of the boy. donghyuck had ordered renjun a cake and a latte, that's what he usually got. "thanks for ordering. so, what did you want to talk about?" he asked while putting a piece of cake in his mouth and looking at donghyuck with wide eyes.

"i, uhm, had something to tell you, actually. since we promised to not keep secrets from each other?" donghyuck started slightly awkwardly, not knowing how to say it. the words just didn't want to _come out_.

"i'm intrigued, do tell," renjun laughed slightly and kept looking at donghyuck.

"fuck it, here i go... i'm gay. and that's something you have to know as my friend. i've avoided telling you for long enough," donghyuck said quietly but loud enough for renjun to hear. he didn't want anyone else to be able to eavesdrop. the boy didn't want to see the reaction so he looked down at the fork he had in front of him and thought if it was a good idea to stab himself in the leg and claim himself as crazy just so renjun doesn't think that the boy had been serious just now.

renjun was donghyuck's first coming out.

"oh," renjun said, smile not evident in his voice again. donghyuck frowned. but almost jumped immediately afterwards because the older took donghyuck's hands into his and continued, "that's not what i expected but... me too. thank you for being the first one to say it because i don't think i would have been able to. i love you."

"i love you too."

***

it had been a month since the boys had come out to each other. they had since grown closer to each other, not having to have a mask to hide behind. it wasn't really that a lot had changed in their habits - they still cuddled, as usual, they hugged, they talked just the same. but there was some sort of a mutual connection, an added link of trust.

donghyuck was now on his way to renjun's place. the younger was ready to confess. he was ready to make his _first_ confession to his _first_ crush. it was a bit snowy and cold so it probably wasn't the best idea - what if renjun just made him go away and not come back? what if he was uncomfortable with the feelings donghyuck harboured? but even with thoughts like that, the younger wasn't going to drop his goal.

donghyuck entered renjun's house without knocking, it was like his second home anyway. the boy took off his shoes and jacket and went upstairs to the older's room.

"hi, hyuckie," renjun said, looking at the boy as he came in. "sit down on the bed, i'll be right there, i have to finish this one sentence."

"alright," donghyuck replied and got into renjun's bed. he inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times with closed eyes and then opened them back up when he heard renjun coming.

"what do you wanna do? we can play monopoly, we haven't done that in ages, or watch queer eye?" renjun offered, still standing.

"i actually wanted to talk to you about something first, if you don't mind?" donghyuck asked.

"oh? yeah, of course," renjun sat down next to donghyuck, looking slightly worried. "you aren't going to tell me that you're actually straight, are you?" the boy laughed nervously.

"no," donghyuck laughed and shook his head. "quite the opposite of that... i kind of..." the younger stammered and took a shaky breath in, "i like you. like you as in have a crush on you," donghyuck looked down at his hands in his laps. it had evolved to be a habit of his, to look away from any reaction he was scared of.

"hyuckie..." renjun sounded fairly surprised, "i... i like you too. a lot. i didn't even hope for this."

"you do?" donghyuck wasn't convinced at all.

"how could anyone not like you?"

***

"can i kiss you?"

"please do."

renjun was donghyuck's first kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> hii! i hope you're enjoying the series so far uwu i know that i for sure am enjoying writing it!! 
> 
> as always, if you wanna talk or request any ships/prompts, message me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/markhyuckstea) and/or [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/markhyuckstea)!!


End file.
